Pieces

Pieces

I think that our hearts are not one piece
But rather made up from many little pieces
As we go through life, we give those pieces away
To those we meet who touch us
Once given, they are gone forever
they can never be recovered.
But in return we receive a piece,
From those who's lives we touch.

While we are together
Somehow the pieces seem larger
Perhaps more complete.
If we choose to
We may keep the pieces close
Cherish them for what they are
and let them help to fill our hearts.
If we chose to let them fade and fall away
Our hearts will diminish and ultimately perish...

In the end, when all is said and done.
It is not only how many pieces we chose to give
but how many we received in return       

Who pays for dinner?

Today is Friday and this evening is the start of the weekend. Tonight all across the land (and the world I suppose) hundreds of thousands of dates will transpire. Many of these interactions will take place in restaurants, and the question that still always needs to be answered is who pays for dinner?

An article in The New York Post focused on a phenomenon known as “dinner whores.” While it seems a bit sensational, the women quoted in the article indicated that they would do what needed to be done (that is to seduce a man into believing he had a chance with them) in order to be taken to the finest restaurants. After the caviar, champagne, and every other extravagance, the women would let it be known that they had enjoyed themselves but that quite simply, their dates weren’t getting anything more than a kiss, and perhaps not even that.

This information provoked a rather rigorous debate among some people with whom I had a fairly civilized discussion. It really came down along the lines of gender: the women clearly stated that a man had to pay and that didn’t mean he was entitled to anything; the men felt that in these modern times that a woman should at least share in the cost of the meal, particularly if she has no romantic intentions toward her date. But if this is true, is it not fair to say that the male counterpart ‘dinner pimps” also exists? Are there men who feel that their money and lavish gifts entitle them to something of a sexual nature in return? I would say  most definitely.

I thought about this a great deal and, since I am looking at it from a male perspective, I didn’t want to discount the female side of the story. After all, traditionally speaking it has always been the case that the man pays for the date. Where does this originate? I imagine it goes all the way back to the caveman who knocked on another cave door to pick up his date. Good old “Ugh” probably brought along his best club, escorted the female to the finest rock in the jungle, and proceeded to bash in the brains of some beast. After the lavish meal, “Ugh” might have expected at least a little kiss, but “Oh-no” protested this as a violation and requested to be returned home immediately. This is probably what led to the popular notion of the caveman clubbing the woman over the head and dragging her back to his lair.

It has always been my contention that the man pays. I am old school and I still believe that if a man asks a woman out, then he should pay for the evening. When I ask someone out on a date, I don’t believe I am entitled to anything but the pleasure of their company. To assume anything else is juvenile and selfish. If the evening goes well and something else transpires, so be it. If I am on several dates with the same person and nothing in the way of romance happens, then I must make a choice. Man up and ask her outright if there are any romantic feelings. If there are not and we still enjoy each others company, then I would expect further “dates” are not dates at all but two friends meeting for an evening, in which case I would expect her to pay her own way.

This however has now led to a dilemma. I am not as well off financially as I once was. I will not get into the reasons for this but, it would be very difficult for me to find the extra money to pay for a proper date with a lady I really liked and so I do not go on dates. I do not ask women out. I am alone because my pride and my romantic beliefs of chivalry and what is proper will not let me get into a situation which will ultimately leave me feeling too uncomfortable to be myself. For the foreseeable future, I will be single, the lesser of two evils.

Am I too picky?

Ok, so now I am older, 52 to be exact. I find that I am really missing having someone to pamper, someone to love. Don't think that I have not had offers, I have, but just because I miss it doesn't mean I am willing to settle just for anyone who wants what I have to offer. This brings up the question... am I too picky?
I know a lot of people my age, who really just want to be loved. Want a decent person, who will treat them with love and respect. Does that mean we should yield to the first one who comes along who fills our needs? Just beecause we are lonely, do we forget what drives our desire and fuels our passion? What is love without passion?
Is it wrong for me to want the woman I choose to be one who takes my breath away? One who fuels my dreams at night and fills each waking moment with yearning and desire. I believe in love... true love and I am not willing to settle for anything less.
Am I too picky... I don't think so. I want what I want and I won't settle for less.

Valentines day and why I hate it...

To be honest with you, I hate Valentines Day. So if I claim to be an incurable romantic, then how can I hate the most romantic day of the year?

 I hate it just because of that. Who says that one day of the year should be more romantic than the others? The greeting card companies, the florists, the jewelry retailers or any of the thousands of others that commercialize this day to death? It seems that Christmas is just over and the stores shelves are filled to the brim with red hearts and  heart shaped candy as to remind us of out duty to the ones we love. Isn't it amazing that a $30 bouquet of roses is suddenly $70 because it is the icon of valentines day...

 Don't get me wrong, I haven't always hated valentines day. When I was a kid, I used to love to get and give valentines... those cute little teddy bear cards with "will you be mine" scrawled in crayon. But even then I noticed that the cute girl or the popular boy got a lot of valentines and the little geeky kid or the chubby girl sometimes got none. I always gave one to the chubby girl too, maybe because I was the short geeky kid. Another reason I hate Valentines day is just because of that. Those who are alone, who don't have someone to care about in that way are outcasts on this day. We are reminded of the fact that we have not been lucky enough to find that special someone and it can be the loneliest day of the year.

Somewhere along the line we missed the boat. If you need an official day to be reminded to tell your loved one how much you care, then perhaps you aren't as inclined to do it as often as you should. I for one am more inclined to buy flowers for no real reason other than I think my mate will get some joy from them, and I want to bring her joy. Little notes on the mirror or in her car to tell her I am thinking about her. Cook her  a candle-lit dinner (and not just on her birthday). It is the little things that make the difference in a relationship, the little things that you don't have to do, but want to do.

Frankly I don't need an official day to remind me to show someone I care about how I feel and I don't appreciate some card or flower shop overcharging me to do it. Ditch the roses and card and tell her every day in the things you do... I guarantee you that she will think you are the most amazing man she has ever met.

I understand that some want to show people we love them on valentines day. I am not trying to play down its significance to those who enjoy taking part in it. I'm only trying to point out that our local retailers take advantage of us in celebrating these holidays, and I don't think it's necessary to go overboard. After all, money doesn't buy love, and it certainly doesn't grow on trees. I think it's more meaningful to take the time, and think of something that our loved one would really appreciate, instead of following the masses and putting money in the pockets of merchandisers. I say lets celebrate Valentines Day, but if we're going to celebrate it, then lets do it thoughtfully.

Just my opinion

i gave my love

i took my love out walking
along the river Rhine
i gave my love a picnic
of camembert and wine
i read my love a poem
her head upon my knee
i sang my love a sonnet
beneath the shady tree

i gave my love a flower
a budding rose of white
i gave my love a warm embrace
and held her o so tight
i gave my love a token
a simple band of gold
i gave my love my open heart
for her to have and hold

i gave my love a promise
of my eternal love
i gave my love a wish I sent
to all the stars above
and in return my love she gave
a simple loving kiss
and that was all it took for me
to want to do all this


Gordon Merritt

Stereotypes proven wrong? < click this title to read the latest WestCan Poll

I was never one to believe in stereotypes. I am way to much of a romantic for that. It has always bothered me that the vast majority of  women feel that all men are insensitive jerks. There are lots of men out there that have shed the macho image and embraced their romantic side, we are not all troglodytes ladies.

Well it seems a new national poll has come along to back up my beliefs and put some kind of perspective on this negative way of thinking. I have been in four major relationships in my life, and been in love 3 times... I say three times because I was not in love the first time... the only time, that I was married.

I was in love with the idea of being in love, I was in love with the idea of being married, but I was not in love with my wife, and frankly she was not in love with me. Is it any wonder she cheated on me? I think not, and I never blamed her... I was young, I was immature and I was focused on trying to make the ideal life. Money, success, a loving and adoring wife... we were both in love with  "things"... cars, furniture, clothes, art, entertaining... I did not give her the attention she needed, except to buy her things... and that was fine for her. Until the money ran out, I changed jobs to try to be happy, instead of rich.... and the love affair ended.

But I have been in love. In love so much that I could not imagine my life without the woman I centered my life around. And have been broken, so broken I never thought I would mend. Each time I have dusted myself off and pulled myself out of misery to try again. I have loved to the depths and breadth and height that my soul can reach... literally.

I have learned that love is a two way street, and although I still love all of my loves, in my own way. Although I still long for that reciprocal love that makes for a devoted and loving LASTING relationship, I know that I must not love for the wrong reason, I finally know that it is not enough to love unconditionally, you must get back what you put in.

Men are not all troglodytes, we are not all jerks... women are not all angels and are not all sensitive...

I was told by one of my ex loves... her reason for leaving me was that I loved too much. She was not capable of loving me the way I loved her. Enough said.

Off topic- Is romance dead?

Is Romance dead?

I remember when I was a child
old blues eyes sang and women swooned.
He never sang on the radio then...
but he sang in my house on the old record player
and in my heart as I watched my grandparents dancing cheek to cheek.

An American in Paris... singing in the rain...
when men opened doors and offered seats
when men were gentlemen and women were ladies...
I always thought that I was born in the wrong place and time.

Knights in shining armor were common, and chivalry had a place
People were decent to each other
and war was a horror not a way of life.
children could talk to strangers... and still get home.

Love was simple,
boy meets girl,boy says hello, no text omg....
no cell phones or ipods..
people talked to people not to computers.
a single red rose meant something

Is romance dead?
I hope not...
I hope that there are still people out there like me
Dreamers and schemers and women who still want romance.
If not... they can bury me now.

Am I an antique?
A relic, a useless antiquity of a bygone era
Nice to look at, but of no real use?
yes I am older...but am I defunct?
It has been a long time since I been able to show my romantic side

but a guy can hope can't he?

Meter and Rhythm- the most common mistake.

Meter and rhythm are in my mind the most overlooked aspect of new writers. They are what dictates the flow of a poem and they are invariably tied together. As I stated in my previous posts, it is not my intention to give an english lesson. I will let you research meter on your own, for now I would like to address the rhythm or flow aspect of poetry.

This to me is the biggest mistake new poets make. They get set on one line or one phrase and ignore the rhythmic flow of the poem for the sake of using that line. For a poem to flow it must have the same number of syllables for each matching line in the scheme. Below are two examples of rhyming text, one has perfect rhythm, one does not...

My love is like a river- 7 syllables
Ever changing as it goes - 6 syllables
My heart is like ship- 5 syllables
That follows it where it goes- 6 syllables

My love is like a river- 7 syllables
Ever changing as it flows- 6 syllables
My heart is just a vessel- 7 syllables
That must follow where it goes- 6 syllables

You will notice how the second text example doesn't just rhyme, it flows perfectly. It is balanced... the first example rhymes and says the same thing but it is awkward and uneven sounding to the ear.

"but I like what I am saying, how do I make it fit?" If you want the poem to flow and it doesn't, you must find a different way to say it. Either change the first line to fit the second or vice versa... try omitting un-needed descriptors or changing the rhyming word altogether so that you can achieve the same end.

I want my love to see me as I really am
I want her to love me for me
I want her to know what it is I feel inside
I want her to really see

example 1

I want my love to see me
For the man I am inside
I want my love to know me
For the love I cannot hide

example 2
I want my love to love me
For what I truly feel
I want my love to know me
To know that I am real

If you are stuck for a rhyme, try the alphabet trick. True rhyme means that you should not rhyme one word with the same word, so go through the alphabet adding each letter to the rhyme word. Remember, multi-syllable words can be used as long as they fit the rhythm.

example:Love = above, all of, be love, dove, glove, meaning of, morning dove, proud of,speaking of.... you get the idea. There are rhyming dictionaries in the library or online which will help you a lot if you have trouble, but I find most times just going through the alphabet works for me.

Rhyming Scheme- common mistakes

Rhyming scheme is a good place to start, while there are poems out there that do not follow traditional rhyming schemes, I do not recommend this to the new writer. Most new writers do not understand the intricacies of keeping the flow of a poem when using combined or unusual rhyming schemes (ie rhymes in the middle of sentences rather than the end). Stick to consistent schemes. Another mistake is to use the same rhyming syllable in every stanza or on every line in a stanza... I find this makes a poem sound too repetitive.

example-

I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree
And so I think you will agree
The tree is lovely as can be

or
I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree
The tree is much more beautiful
Especially when it's leaves are full

I think that it shall ever be
That I shall just adore the tree
but when it's leaves aren't quite so full
Then watching trees is awfully dull

Where is may work on a short cute poem... it is not really effective in a longer poem. My advice is to spread your rhymes out over the course of your poem. I also advise using the same rhyme more than once unless it is the theme of your poem.

Rhyming Poetry- Not as easy as you think!

We will now delve into the rhyming form of poetry. Rhyming poetry is probably what most new poets attempt for their first poems but also what most aspiring poets have the most trouble with.

There are strict rules that apply to rhyming poetry that must be adhered to in order to compose a good poem. Below I have named just a few and I will not try explain them in detail, but rather explain what I find are the mistakes commonly made by new poets.

-Rhyming scheme
-meter or rhythm
-stanzas and line breaks
-imagery
-enjambment
-speaker

So not to make these posts too long, I will break each into separate posts.

More on free verse poems (please read the previous posts first)

Now that I have shown you how to avoid the first mistake on free verse, we will move on.

Free verse does not have a set pattern of rhyme or rhythm. There are no rules about line length in free verse. Quite often the poet will break these words if they want to create a visual shape to support the poem's message, or feeling that the poet wishes the reader to experience. They may wish to put special emphasis on a word they have used so they will use that word a line to unto itself, or place it on the next line so the reader notices it or is surprised by the poet's use of the word . Often a poet will end a line because it feels right to them to do so. The poet chooses the length of each line and the length of the poem according to the message, or feeling they wish to communicate to their readers.

In short With free verse there are a lot of guidelines but no rules...

That being said, the second biggest mistake that people make is that they use statement phrases instead of descriptive phrases in the construction of their poetry. For example... " My love for you know no boundaries, it is all encompassing" while this may be true, it is hardly poetic. Instead I would chose something like "To speak the depths of my love for you, would be as to count the stars in the sky. I could speak a thousand lifetimes and still not not have have words enough to say what I feel" It conveys the same message but is more relatable because we have all seen the number of stars in the sky... make the reader "picture" your words.

The last piece of advice I have on free verse is harder to master. It is the use of ambiguous terms and language that portrays romance. Terms such as "would be as " instead of "would be like" and " To speak the depths of my love" instead of " To try to tell you how I feel". The phrasing of such romantic wording is not something that you use every day, thus it is more difficult to "acquire" as a poet... (notice I used "thus" and not "so"

A good thesaurus is a must for writers... and read some of the classics, there are so many. Any questions, please ask. Next post will be on Rhyming poetry.

Romantic Poetry- Free Verse Style

In this post we will delve into the world of free verse, only because free verse is easier to explain than rhyming poetry.

The biggest mistake people make when writing free verse is they fail to set a tone or mood right of the bat. Effective romantic free verse needs to capture the reader with the first line and each line should leave them wanting more. Think of it as a story... you want to capture the audience and build the suspense or feeling until it reaches a crescendo or peak and then slowly ease out and let them savour the emotions you have built in them. Below I have two beginnings to a free flow poem, one very good and one not so good. You will see what I mean from these examples...

I love you. But then I have always loved you.

From the very first time I saw you it was as if the world stood still

as to let me breathe you in.

The first line states the purpose and in an obvious fashion... like it is an afterthought. The poem will go on to explain the depths of that feeling but notice how the second line builds on the first. This is a very good beginning to a passionate poem.

I love you, you stir feelings in me that I cannot describe

I think that we were meant to be together forever, because I cannot imagine loving anyone else.

While this portrays a feeling, it is merely a statement of fact. The first line states the purpose but the second line does nothing to build on the first line, it is simply another statement, and that is not what good poetry is. Now if we follow the format of the first example we can change the mood completely

I love you.

I will try to find the words to make you understandwhat my heart feels when you are near,

and you are always near.

To love you is as natural to me as to breathe, and I cannot imagine my heart without you

As in the first example the second line builds on the first... it is not just a statement of fact but more an elaboration of the feeling

The romantic poem- Getting started.

I think the hardest thing for every writer is how to get started on a new poem. You have something in your head, an idea but how do you make it go from an idea to something more? The first thing you have to decide is what type of poem you want to write. There are many different styles of poetry and no one is better than the other. Some poems rhyme, some poems don’t and there are many different types of rhyming and non-rhyming poetry. I will not give you an english lesson here… I will only tell you that you must decide where to go based on the mood of your poem. How do you want to express it? Do you want the words to create a “melodic” tone, something similar to a song verse, or would you rather a “narrative” tone, more like the spoken word?

Rhyming poems are beautiful in themselves as they are more like music to the ear, but rhyming poems must have a flow to them, or they don’t work. Also, like song lyrics, they almost always have a “hook” , a line that stands out from the rest of the poem or emphasises the title of the poem. They are also more rigid because in order to flow, they must have a structured number of syllables in each line. Free verse poems on the other hand also flow, but more in the sense that they convey a mood of romance rather than a melodic tone. Think of a romantic scene from a movie, the words spoken with passion by an actor or actress. Quite often they portray analogy ” your love is as a summers day” or descriptive text, ” I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” One way or the other, it is hard to get started until you have a direction in which you want to go. I will go into more depth on these two styles of poems in the next couple of posts.

Inspiration- The key to a successful poem

A key element to good romantic poetry all to often goes overlooked. What inspired the poem? Was is a new love you met, an old flame? Perhaps it was and important event or a special place you met someone that reminded you of a romantic night. Maybe and old movie you watched again for the millionth time that gave you inspiration. Whatever the source was, it is important... no vital, that you have it.

I can always tell when people have written poems because they wanted, or felt they had to, write a poem. I can also tell you that I have done it on many an occassion. These poems just seem to lack the va-va-voom... the spark that reads from truly inspired poem.

Whenever you write a poem, make sure you are writing for the right reason. Find inspiration wherever you can, in movies, books, songs. Take a walk somewhere where you know you have experienced feeling by being there before. Look at some old photographs or read some old letters. I guarantee you that if you feel some kind of twinge of memory or a flutter in your stomach from seeing a picture of an old or new flame... you will be inspired and you will write a better poem.